So once again I will be splitting my time between two apartments for a few days.  Half of my stuff is in one apartment and half in the other while we move back into the newly refinished and fixed apartment that was once flooded.  It is so nice! New carpet, new flooring, and I even got a new refrigerator.  Over the next couple of days things will be interesting again as I slowly move my things back into that apartment where I feel like I belong, but still having to spend some of my time here in the temporary apartment as not all of my stuff was moved today.

Actually, that feeling like I was in one place but belonged somewhere else has been that way the last few weeks since we moved into this temporary apartment.  It hasn’t been quite right because it isn’t the same size or place.  All of our stuff isn’t in the same place, and all the stuff that got flooded-well it wasn’t yet replaced.  Also, knowing we were going to move back into our apartment made it hard to make this feel like home-we didn’t take down all the pictures and bring them over or bring over all the things that have those memories we cherish.  All the things that did get brought over didn’t even make it out of the boxes!  We always knew we were going to move back-so why take everything out of the boxes unless we had too.

We all want to feel like we belong where we are.  Yet, as believers we will have this feeling of not belonging all of the time.  Christ tells us in John 15:19 that we do not belong to the world, but to Him.  So why should we be surprised when we feel some sense of not belonging when we are still in the world?  We shouldn’t, because we are not where we belong!  Quite the opposite really, if we are getting to comfortable and feeling like we are perfectly happy sticking around here forever-we might want to evaluate if we have lost sight of the hope that we have in Christ.  We belong to Chirst, and we are going to feel an amazing sense of belonging when we are in His presence for eternity.  That is the hope of our calling, to spend eternity with Him, and in my view there is no better place to belong then that. (Titus 3:5-7)

If you haven’t read my earlier posts you missed the story about the flood!  You may or may not want to read it because it wasn’t just water and some people just don’t like the thought of those things.  This whole process has been very interesting to me from start to finish.  This week we got to go shopping and replace most of the things that were lost.  If you read my early post there was quite a list, and though we have not replaced all of it, we have replaced the largest pieces.  It was fun to go shopping, to know we could simply walk into a store, choose a new bed, a new table, a new hutch, and replace what was lost.

Through this process I realized that our insurance has been rather amazing to us.  We pay them every month for the assurance that one day if something were to happen then they would swoop in and take care of us.  We pay them for the promise and we trust they will fulfill it when the need arises.  We pay them to keep a promise to us later.  They have kept that promise to us.  Not everything we own is replaceable though.  For instance if my box of photographs for which only one copy exists had been destroyed we would not get them back, they don’t fall under that promise because there is no back up plan for those things.

So then I started to think.  God makes promises to us.  There is a big difference here though-we never had to pay Him to make those promises to us!  Amazing isn’t it.  Quite the opposite really, He made those promises not only without us doing anything-He made them when we didn’t even deserve it.  Then I thought to myself, there is also no back up plan, His promises are the only plan He has made.  He did that for a reason.  He wants us to trust His plan.

That plan is Christ and what He did for us on the cross.  When we trust in that plan we are trusting in the promises God has made to us and trusting that He will fulfill the promises He made to us.  There is no back up plan.  So I thought further.  There is no other plan for what is lost.  Like those pictures those who are lost need a plan with promises that will be fulfilled that they can trust in to save them from being lost.  Those pictures, nothing can be done about them.  Those who don’t know about Gods plan, that, something can be be about.  The question to ask yourself is are you counting on some kind of back up plan?  No back up plan can replace Gods plan.

Last Monday was a big day, March 31st.  An anniversary that most people would never want to celebrate, and never would imagine calling an anniversary.  March 31st is the anniversary of my right temporal lobectomy.  The date on which I was given the chance to become seizure free, get some semblance of normalcy in my life.  The day we took a large step of faith at the last opportunity for me to be well again.

On March 31st 2008 I had a surgery that we knew was a percentage game, a percentage game we were willing to take because there were no other solutions left for what I was experiencing ever day of my life.  A 40% chance of being seizure free and  a 90% chance of a great reduction in seizures was better then doing nothing–which was  a zero% chance of ever being seizure free.  So I had a surgery I knew would change other things about my life because those could be dealt with, adjusted to, and were better then what I was living with at the time.

Now one year later I live a life that is different then before I got sick, but better then before I had my surgery.  So would I say I am “cured”? No–for there is no cure for epilepsy.  What I would say is that my life is better for the choice I made, because choosing to do nothing would have been a choice to give up, to decide to be defeated by an illness that was taking my life slowly.

Now I am learning to live the new life given to me by God through a set of circumstances He used to mold me into who I am today.  I am doing what He has asked me to do, using the experiences I went through for His glory.  I certainly wouldn’t choose to go through what I went through if I could have avoided it ahead of time, but now that I see how God molded me thorugh it I wouldn’t give it back.

So as that one year mark came and went it wasn’t about what I went through or what I had experienced.  I am amazed by how God has used it, what God is doing now with it, and I know God is going to keep using it in ways I don’t yet expect or imagine.

Sunday March 22nd my family and I were in Tooele all day as we have been the last several Sundays.  We are there for church in the morning and Cantata practice in the evening.  After making the 100 mile drive home we walked in the front door to find that while we were gone there had been a flood-not a water flood-but a sewage flood.  It seems that the sewer line under our complex backed up, and the place it primarily came out was our master shower!  It also came out in our primary bathroom.  Our master bathroom, primary bathroom, master bedroom, hall closet, entryway, dining room, kitchen, and a portion of our living room were flooded.

What was destroyed in the mess?

-Our entire master bedroom set including my mothers heirloom hope chest

-Our dining room set

-The large hutch in our dining room

-Our entertainment stand

-Various things such as rugs, shoes, clothes in the hamper, the vacuum broom and mop, and all sorts of little things

What wasn’t destroyed despite the mess?

-Our family

-Gods provision for our family

-Our belief that the Lord is unchanging and will be glorified no matter what circumstance we are in

So we spent several days in a hotel while we moved what wasn’t in the mess to a smaller unit that was available, dealt with our insurance who is going to replace our belongings, and dealt with the complex management who informed us the total clean up would take 2-4 weeks.  We are a week and half in at this point and things are moving along well.

For now we are asking God what He wants us to do with this, what He is telling us, what steps He wants us to take next.  Through this He is still the same God He has always been.  Regardless of our changing circumstance He is an unchanging God-the one consistent in our lives we can always count on.  So despite the mess if we remain in His will standing firm on His promises we will withstand the flood.

For some of you the idea of driving 306 miles to see a concert might seem insane.  For some of you, you have been there, done that, and done it again!  Last night I took my 8 year old son to the Rock and Worship Road Show.  It was well worth the 306 mile drive, and the 306 miles we will drive home today.

 

Why?  In part because seeing the 5 bands live was amazing.  But also because 13,000 people packed into the arena who came out to worship our Lord and Savior, who were there because of Him, proved it with thier voices!  When the Lord gave us the most amazing grace and mercy by giving us the ability to come to His feet through the blood of Christ how can we not worship?  The 13,000 people that were there last night showed with their voices that they knew that Christ had broken their chains and they were there to offer up their hearts and voices in worship.

 

The 306 miles?  Worth it to experience 13,000 people worship the Lord and offer up their hearts and lives as a tiny offering in exchange for the great gift He gave to us on the cross.

Today I got a phone call that a friend needed my help to get something done.  She had driven the two hours to accomplish an urgent task, believing she had everything necessary to get it done.  She was missing one thing.  She called me to see if I could meet her half way with that one thing if she arranged for her husband to leave work and get it to me.  She would have to make a 4 hour round trip to accomplish it, making it impossible for her to make it to something that was planned later that day.   I said yes without hesitation because this is what friends do.  She has done things for me without even being asked just because she knew they needed doing.

One year ago there would have been no way I would have been in a  position for her to call me to do this.  Even just 9o days ago I had not yet gotten my drivers license back from having gone seizure free long enough.  These are the days that impact me.  The days that I see how having gone through what I went through to get to where I am today have made a difference.  I am not just talking about the fact that I have my drivers license back because nearly a year ago I had a surgery that finally allowed me to be seizure free.  I am talking about how the three year trial I went through allowed God to mold me to where I am today, and how that changed what kind of decision I made today.

Three years ago I would have hesitated if someone called me to drive a 2 hour round trip to bring them something they had left.  Even if I had a free day I would have told them to try to find someone else to do it first, then call me back.  I might even had invented plans.  After all I would be giving up 2 hours of my day for their mistake.  Yet today, my view is different.  I am glad to be able to have the opportunity to do it.  The fact that I could drive, did have the day free, and knew there was no obstacles to making it happen gave me joy in doing it.  God has taught me many lessons in the last three years, lessons I learned in trial.  Big lessons that impact decisions in my life that I use to think were small, but that are not small to someone else.  Like today, the decision to help a friend.  When we make that kind of decision, the kind of decision that is based on how it is going to impact another person, we end of receiving joy because we have considered someone elses needs above our own.

When was the last time you helped a friend when you didn’t expect to?  What kind of benefit do you believe you got from that?

I know that Philippians 3:12-14 tells me I am to forget what is behind, to look ahead, and strain for the prize that Christ has already taken hold of for me.  But in a different way, I do look back.  I look back at what Christ has done for me since I have known Him and I say WOW!  Over the last week I have been reminded of some of those things.

My sister was in the hospital, which made me think of all the times I lay in the hospital the last three years, and Gods faithfulness to His promises to remain with me, to be my strength, my comfort, and to give me what I needed when I needed it.  The Lord restored a relationship that was important to me by helping me to learn a lesson I needed to learn, while also reminding me of the healing He brought me through years ago.   I read the story of another woman’s struggle with infertility and remember what God did for me when I cried out to him in that same struggle.  Hebrews 12:1-2 is the verse I chose a long time ago as my life verse, my focus verse, whatever you want to call it (The Race Is Worth Enduring).  The song  Stay Stong by the Newsboys captures that kind of focus into music, and I heard it for the first time after seeing the lyrics on a f riends blog today.  That song reminds me why I chose that verse, and what God was doing in my life when I chose the verse.

Being reminded of what God has done for me in the past, looking back at all the incredible things He has been capable of accomplishing for me, makes me want all the more to press on towards the goal to win the prize for which I have been called heavenward in Christ Jesus our Lord.  It is one thing to forget what has been in the past if it mires us down, hinders us, or traps us in sin, as Hebrews 12:1-2 says.  When I look back to see what God has done for me then I am greatly encouraged to continue running the race.  I just need to be careful that I am not looking back for the wrong reasons.

For those of you who know me or follow my blog, you know a few months ago something happened that really hurt me.  Something that it took a lot of prayer and effort for me to forgive someone for.

This past week I had a 3 hour conversation with that person.  I have seen this person since then, but this is the first time I have truly spoken to them since they hurt me.  I knew God was telling me “you are not going to heal until you go to that person and tell them why you hurt, and that you need an apology”.  I chose the words carefully, with love and grace.  I knew that what I really wanted was for the other person to understand that I was hurting because I felt that they had chosen being right over our relationship, and the fact that they refused to trust me about the details of my own life.

In the end the conversation was amazing.  We understood each other in a way I did not expect.  She able to see why I was so hurt, and we were able to understand why we misunderstood each other.  God helped two woman who want so deeply to understand each other see that sometimes it isn’t about what we see, but what we don’t.  That when we make assumptions about why someone says or does something, and analyze their actions or words, we make a mistake.  We end up creating a situation where we expect something we don’t get, or we get something we don’t expect.

After months of prayer and waiting, I made a phone call not sure of what was going to happen, trusting God to take care of the rest.  God did.  He helped to restore a relationship that was important to me.  Not just because of the titles attached to it, but because we both belong to Christ.  That is what was significant.

Friday night I was sitting with my 8 year old son Bryan doing our devotional time and praying as we do every night.  When he prayed I was in awe of what he said.  I had to write it down right after so I wouldn’t forget what he had said because I thought to myself “that was so simply stated but yet so true and profound, if more adults, even me, would remember that more often”.  This is what he prayed in part:

“help me to respond to you, help me to listen to you, because so much of the time I do all of the talking.  Help me to remember that you are real even when you don’t answer because sometimes you don’t give us what we need because you are trying to teach us something.  Even though it seems like you aren’t real you are–and I know it.  Thank you for giving us our life.”

WOW!!  Now to get him to hold onto that for the rest of his life.

–listen to God

–respond to God

–know without doubt God is there and He is real

–understand God is teaching us and changing us

–He is the reason we exist

How many adults could learn from that?  I know there are days I could use a reminder.  In the last 3 years I have definitely learned to listen more, respond when He speaks, and know without doubt that He is always with me no matter what, and that He is constantly molding me.  I feel honored to be a part of what God is doing in my sons life, to hear out of his mouth in his own words what the Lord is teaching him.

When God first asked me to do what I am doing with GodsAnvil.com, I thought to myself  “what??  you can’t be serious God?”.  He was. I discovered God didn’t ask unless He was serious!  The last few days I have been without my computer for the second time in the last few weeks.  It is amazing what that has felt like.  I have been without a computer before, and though it is frustrating to not be able to check email, get online, or update your face book status, it was difficult knowing I could not do what God had asked of me.  To know that without this computer I was unable to put posts on a site that I felt so passionately about because God had asked me to share what he had done, and was still doing, in my life, through the trials I had experienced, was almost painful.

Yet despite being without the tool God still worked.  My husband uses a laptop for work.  I didnt have acess to it except in the evening.  A couple of nights ago there was a benefit concert for the Home Foundation, a non-profit charitable foundation dedicated to the eradication of human trafficking, and it was broadcast online.  I was able to watch this on his laptop and meet some people in the chat I have not met before.  I was able to spend some time in prayer with them for the foundation, and for some them.  Though I have been without my tools, God made sure I was able to be online that night, to connect with those people.  Tools or no tools God still works.  God is serious when He asks, and He will make it happen regardless of what tools are or are not working!

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