Not Any More

February 18th 2012

15 years after I met her, and despite trying over and over, I give up on the idea of having a good relationship with Mike’s sister.  Within days of moving to Utah she yelled at me for expressing an opinion that was different then hers.  She’s cried because I’m “so negative”–which translates to I don’t agree with her opinion or way of doing things and her self esteem can’t handle “being criticized”.  She likes to play the victim, and I am the sinister one.  If I disagree with her, suddenly I am criticizing her.  I don’t agree, so I’m being critical?  Yup, according to her.  All while at the same time she felt free to share her opinions with me.  I don’t recall ever crying once because she disagreed with, or storming out of a room because she didn’t share my opinion, and I certainly don’t recall yelling at her because something hurt her feelings.


She’s yelled at me for expressing my opinion, feelings, and thoughts.  She’s has claimed her kids hate me, who are always excited to see me.  Just a few days ago I saw her oldest and we talked for about 15 minutes, her mother purposefully avoided me.  When I was super super sick she got mad at me for crying because her husband hurt my feelings, though unintentional it still hurt.  She actually said it was my fault and that by being hurt I was judging him for his comment.  Last time we were at her house her husband said something that hurt my feelings, he included my name in a comment in a negative way.  I still expressed this to him so it would be avoided in the future, and asked him not to say that again.  She got mad, jumped up, and stormed out of the room.  I was hurt, expressed that, and she gets mad?  Makes sense to anyone else?  Didn’t think so.  About 10 minutes later I tried to ask her why she was mad at me, she refused to say.  I walked away, and she ran after me yelling at me for about 5 minutes.  I told Mike we were leaving her house because I wasn’t going to subject myself to that.  She yelled, turned to walk away, came back and yelled some more, turned to walk away, came and yelled some more.  She did this 3 or 4 times, all while blocking my way out of the room we were in.  How is that my fault in any way?  According to her I was being critical of her husband because I expressed to him I was hurt.  That makes no sense!


I have said several times in the last 15 years that I was not going to try anymore.  Every time that didn’t stick, for one reason or another.  Once it was because Mike’s mom actually said to me “please don’t do that to my family”.  So I tried again, only to be yelled at about some other thing I said that was innocent.  I can’t remember all the times she yelled at me, cried, ran out of the room, or some other crazy reaction to something.  I know she remembers them all, she bring them up from time to time to make a point about how she is the victim.  Her issues started long before she met me, I just became a convenient one to blame.  Having a relationship with me wasn’t critical, so it was easy to dump on me.  No more, not any more.  Mike has tried to tell me more then once “you do not have to be friends with my sister”.  I can’t even have a cordial relationship with her because no matter what I do, say, or apparently think and feel, I get into some kind of trouble with her if I say it.  Not any more though, because I will not subject myself to a relationship that is so terribly unhealthy.


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