This past week was one of those weeks with God.  One of those weeks where it just hit me in the face that I was falling short.  Everyone has them.  I am sure you have had them.  Then today on top of that I read 1 Corinthians 13.  Love.  You would think that it would make me feel great to read about love in a week where God is chiseling on me hard.  That isn’t exactly the first response I had!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

Ummm…I didn’t exactly hold up to the description of love this week.  We are to love one another, that is the description of love, and I fell far short of that this past week!  So what am I to do?  Give up, run away?  Certainly not.  Sometimes all we can honestly do is tell God “I’m trying”.  He doesn’t expect us to be perfect!  After all, that is why he needed to send His son for us.  If we were perfect then there would be no need for forgiveness, and if there was no need for forgiveness then there would have been no need for Christ.  The fact that God sent Christ proves we can’t be perfect!  Sometimes what God wants from us is for us to say “I’m trying” and for us realize we cannot do it without Him.

How many different ways do you communicate with people?  I would imagine there are many.  For me I can think of a wide variety of ways that include simply talking to them face to face, calling them on the phone, or the more subtle ways like facial expressions.  Then there is the whole gamete of non face to face communication media from writing a letter or postcard, to email facebook texting and twitter.  Each type of communication all serves a purpose.  That purpose, to convey information from one person to the other.  In all reality whether we choose to convey that message face to face, via a letter, or even a text message, as long as the message is conveyed, the mode is unimportant.

Now when it comes to communicating with God we only have one way of doing that, prayer.  However in the reverse God has many ways to communicate with us.  The point is still the same no matter how He chooses to convey the message, and that is to get the message across to us.  Even more awe inspiring to me is the fact that He would even choose to communicate with me at all!  That God, the creator of the universe and everything in it, would take the time to communicate to me!  He chooses to do that, to convey a message to me, because He has decided He wants to mold me so that He can use me in His plan.  And there again another thing to be awed by.  That God would choose to use me in His plan, when He most certainly does not need me.

So, when God communicates with me, it doesn’t matter how He does it.  It only matters that He does.  The fact that every day He chooses to take the time to communicate with me in any way He chooses is simply humbling.  When was the last time you just allowed God to communicate to you and listened without expectation, awed by the fact that He was taking the time to even do so?

Yesterday I had 5 different appointments I had to go to for tests and Drs. appointment all related to various medical issues.  Not unusual for me to be having medical issues, but 5 different appointments and tests on one day is a lot for me to accomplish.  However, in the middle of all of this I came up with an interesting analogy.

Some people have car trouble, I happen to have medical trouble.  When you have car trouble you visit a mechanic, when you have medical trouble you visit a doctor.  They both send you a bill.  When you have car trouble you often hope to get a new car.  When you have medical trouble you often wish you had a new body.  With your car you can go out and trade it in for a new car, problem is it will eventually start to have trouble too, you will visit a mechanic, and get another bill.

With our body there is no trade in.  We keep the one we have.  Or do we?  1 Cor 15:42-44 tells us that our bodies will be changed!  When those who are in Christ are raised with Christ, we will be raised in a body that is imperishable!  So yes some people have car trouble, I have medical trouble.  People might be able to trade in their car for another car, but that car will eventually break down.  I know when I get my new body, it is one that will never break down again.

Until that day I will keep visiting my mechanics, sometimes 5 of them in one day, but I will do so with the knowledge that I have the best trade in policy in my future.

The last 2 days it has been quiet around here.  My husband has been at work, and my son with his grandparents at the annual tradition of  “Kuzzins Kamp”.  A “kamp” for all of the cousins 4 and over who get together for several days with their grandparents, no parents allowed!  They have a blast doing crafts, going on field trips, and just visiting with their grandparents and cousins.  Every year they talk about it for months, then they start talking about what might happen next year.  The older kids have already told their parents they expect them to do this when they are grandparents!

For the parents who’s children are all over 4 it means 3 days with no children.  For Mike and I it means a quiet house.  Bryan, being an 8 year old boy, doesn’t exactly know what quiet is!  He told me before we left to drop him off that this was practice for me, practice for when school started in 2 weeks and it would be quiet all day around here again.  I had to laugh!  In reality it is nice to have the quiet.

For me distraction is a reality of my life.  I no longer concentrate well in an enviroment of distraction.  So this year, in the quiet, I can concentrate on something that the Lord has asked me to do.  Without excuse.  I will write.

For anyone who follows me on twitter, or on facebook, you know me as race_12_1.  If you ever spent anytime with me in a chat, you probably just ended up calling me race.  Though that isn’t my real name of course, I seem to answer by it quite well.  There is a story behind how I got that nick, and many of you have probably already read The Race is Worth Enduring.  Yesterday I was reading in 1 Corinthians and I read this:

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” (1 Cor. 9:24-27)

Years ago I had chose my nick because of Hebrews 12:1-2 not realizing what was to lie ahead in my life, and now just as I thought my trial was somehow coming to a close, I read this.  I realize that the lessons from that trial are far from over.  I am still running the race, still in training, and still striving to get a crown that will last forever.  I can say that God has brought me through a very rocky road, but now I must now learn to live with the outcome of the trial He has brought me through.

Part of that is learning how to live with the physical consequences of the medical trial I went through.  I am not responsible for what happened to me.  I cannot control the side effects of my medications or the effects of having part of my brain removed.  What I can do however is make the decision that my testimony and my ministry are important enough not to simply resign myself to the fact that I am “left like this forever”.  Though it is a “physical thing” I cannot allow it to effect my testimony or ministry in a negative way, or I am allowing myself to be disqualified for the prize.  You see, I believe that God can do things we are not capable of.  He can help me learn to live without a part of my brain so that it doesn’t effect my testimony or ministry, and He can help me cope with the side effects of my medications.

This is a spiritual battle because what God is doing is far too important to allow the fact that I happen to get sick get in the way.