Earlier today I twittered about how this week was the first time since my surgery nearly 16 months ago that I made dinner 6 nights in a row.  If you don’t know what surgery I’m talking about you’ll have to read my medical journey.  I actually got thinking about it, and it turns out this is the first time in much longer that I have made dinner 6 consecutive days.  How do I know that?  I only need to think back to what my life was like before my surgery.

It took some actual thinking about it, because I don’t spend a lot of time these days thinking about what my life was like during those years that I was so incapacitated.  Yes the word incapacitated really does describe my existence during that time.  That is why I know I wasn’t making dinner 6 night in a  row.  There were days that if I made dinner I was overjoyed that I was able to do something I get joy out of-cooking.  Then there were times that I cooked because we needed to eat, and I didn’t get any joy out of it, I did it out of necessity.  Then there were many days when my husband came home and words similar to “dinner is up to you” came out of my mouth, or he simply discovered that on his own.

Now when I cook I am now again getting joy out of it, every time.  Why?  Because even on those days that I don’t feel so good, those days that aren’t going so well, I am thankful that I able to do something that I get joy out of.  Now those days still happen that my husband comes home and I say “dinner is up to you”, and my husband never complains.  Why? You would have to ask him how He has been able to persevere through this standing by me without complaint.  However, I do know that this is the first week I have made dinner 6 consecutive days in nearly 3 years.

Something struck me today while I was doing my study for Sunday school.  We are doing a study that Mike and I did about 10 years ago soon after we were married with several other couples.   My life is quite different now then it was then!  I figured that in doing the study I would see where I have come since then, and get something completely different from it than I did the first time.

One of the statements in today’s study was–Jesus called His disciples to leave what they were doing and to follow Him.  Andrew, Peter, James and John left their fishing businesses and followed Him (Matt. 4:18-22).  Matthew left  his job as a tax collector (Matt 9:9).  Describe something that would be difficult for you to leave behind or do if God asked you to.

What struck me was that I remembered what my answer had been to this question 10 years ago!!  My career.  I had answered that I would have a difficult time leaving behind my career.  Now 10 years later that has been stripped away from me.  I didn’t leave it by choice-it was literally stripped away from me.  I am now disabled, unable to work any job, most especially the career I loved and had poured my heart into.  And that was the problem- I had poured my heart into it.  I knew 10 years ago that if the Lord were to ask me then to give that up it would be difficult because I knew it was wrapped up in my identity, and that I allowed it to control my life too much.

Now I know what it is like to give things up.  Some of them were stripped away, some of them I gave up by choice, but all of them came with a choice.  That choice was to either be thankful for what came next, or to be angry,  bitter, or resentful for what was missing and what I was now without.  Every time we give up something we are always given something else to replace it.  Granted it is not always what we expect!  I certainly did not expect to give up my career for a medical battle that would last 3 years and leave me disabled.  But is that is not what I gave up my career for.

What did I get?  10 years ago I said I would have a hard time giving up my career.  I was forced to give it up.  But in its place I now understand that God is going to fulfill His promises in a real way, not just because they are written, but because He did so in my life.  I experienced His presence, comfort, courage, strength, shelter, provision, and peace.  In trial I have grown closer to my Lord, that is what replaced what I gave up-not the medical trial.  I choose to see what I gained and be thankful for that, not look back at what gave up.

Ask yourself this question-Am I looking for what God is giving me to replace what I gave up, even if it was something taken from me, or am I looking back with anger, bitterness, or resent because of what is missing?  Make the choice to look for and be thankful for what God is giving you now!

All last week I was gone from home again-this time to help with VBS/missions week at church.  Bryan and I stayed with a friend from church (thank you Licia!)  Mike stayed home because he had to work of course.  The week was full of all kinds of crazy things.

The kids had VBS to attend, as well as a very fun and exciting carnival to go to thanks to the Lord doing something amazing!  A team of 30 people from a church in Oklahoma came to help us put on a big carnival as an outreach ministry to the community of Tooele.  I didn’t get all of the details, but I did hear that there were hundreds of children that attended each day, and one of the youth said that the youth nights were great.

The week was very stressful.   I was on my feet too much, I stayed up too late, I got overwhelmed, I was hurting by the end of the week.  One night I ended up having a seizure in the middle of the night, and I ended up having another one during church Sunday morning.  However-the week was well worth the cost.  Why?  Because of why I was hurting, why I was tired, and why I ended up having those seizures.  It was because I had made a choice to do what the Lord asked me to do.  I knew being out of my environment for a week would cause me stress.  I knew being on my feet a lot would make me hurt.  I knew what the cost might be.  However I also know that if that sacrifice meant one child, one youth or one adult heard the message then it is well worth that cost.  Why?  Because the cost to them of not believing the message is much greater.

That message, that God in His amazing love for us, and with a grace we cannot comprehend, sent His son Jesus Christ, and that Christ died on the cross bearing the punishment for our sin.  That He defeated death and rose again so that we would be able to spend eternity with Him.  Not believing that has a great cost, and makes last week’s cost seem insignificant, especially compared to what that cost Christ.

This past week Mike and I decided we would spend Monday in Salt Lake and stay the night so that we would not have to drive back late, we do that on occasion so that it saves me from having to drive back and forth the same day-and late at night.  Tuesday he needs to be at work at 10, so we get up and leave to make the drive back to arrive in time for him to go to work.  However there was a small glitch in our morning.

Sometime just before getting out of bed-something bit me!  I don’t know what, but I didn’t worry about it to much.  On the way home however I managed to begin getting blisters.  And not one blister, but several, and my finger started turning red, and swelling.  So we call the clinic where we live, and then proceed to turn around to drive back almost to where we came from.  Now this isn’t just 10 miles, this was 50 miles back.  Where we came from was over 100 miles from home!

We went into the office and managed to get an appointment at 12:15, thankfully, especially since this was the first time I had been seen at this particular office in our system.  This saved us a trip to the ER.  For me it is always rather amusing to go over my medical history with a new M.A., as it is quite something for a person my age!  They always think, as they are taking my history, they should be done far before they are, and they always have to ask twice how to spell something, or what the name of something is.

So that day I was given two prescriptions, and they said I possibly had a bite, or contact dermatitis from something-who knows-but that it was good I had it checked.  The one thing that was nice for me–to go to a Dr. for something so minor-Blisters!  Now grant you they were spreading rather quickly–but they were still blisters.  Given my medical history blisters are a fairly minor issue-so it was nice not to have to be scheduled for tests and give blood and just leave with a prescription I had to take for a few days rather then forever.  Almost like normal =)  I had almost forgotten what it was like to go to a Dr. for something so minor.

Today we celebrate independence day, and there will be many a blog about that, but today I must share about two things that strike me this week, two things that I know the Lord has shown me.

Earlier this week my husband was looking at a church website, and realizing that about 3 years ago this same church was hiring for the same position they are now hiring for.  Back then He sent them his resume, and that was the end of it.  You see, my husband knows very clearly that the Lord is calling him to a certain ministry, and we were struck this week by a very powerful thing.  If 3 years ago he had gotten that position, or the same position with any church, that church would have had to go through the hardship I have endured in this time along with me.  The Lord in all essence protected the body of believers from a  trial that was difficult at best.  Now that is not to say that the body of believers could not handle such a trial, but rather to say, that the Lord protected those believers from having to endure a long trial that would interrupt the ministry of the church.  There is a bigger plan at work that we do not always see.  Three years ago we could not have known what was to come, and how that may have effected any church we would go to and the ministry of that church.  God however did, and in His wisdom and timing ensured that the larger plan He set in motion was still allowed to take place regardless of the circumstance I was about to endure.

Then there is the second thing I was awed by this week.  Gods ability to use whatever He desires to allow His people to do the work He placed before them.  Pray.  How many times does the Lord ask us to pray for one another?  How many promises are connected to the act of prayer?  I do not know off the top of my head an exact number-but I do know it is many!!  This week one 5 year old girl, Kate McRae, brought together believers  unknown to each other in the act of prayer.  How?  Because the Lord bonds us together with the Holy Spirit-we are all one body, all one because He has made us one!  I thank the Lord for allowing me to see that this week in a way I have not seen before-a very unique way.  He allowed the body of believers in a global way to become aware of a need in the body rapidly, and that prayer need was lifted up to Him fervently.

Today we celebrate our independance, but I acknowledge my dependence on the Lord who has a plan for my life, for the life of each of us in the body of believers, and who connects us all as one. I thank Him for the fact that the plan includes me spending eternity with Him in heaven becuase of the sacrafice Christ paid on the cross.  My dependence on the Lord is because I was only able to receive independence from sin through that sacrifice.  I thank the Lord for that each day.