Reading the blog of Damian Horne reminded me of something God did for me nearly 3 years ago, that I feel like I should share.  Damian asked the question “How is your faith being tested and what verses have given you recent comfort?”  If you have been read my story you know I have been tested!  But his question made me think back to when I had my first surgery in May of 2006.  Right after that I was worried to say the least.  My life had already changed dramatically, and was about to change again in a major way.

I had left my career because I had become so ill, I did not know at that point if I would ever go back, I was healing from that surgery, and I was in the midst of packing to move to the middle of the desert!  My husband had gotten a job doing the very thing he loved to do, and we truly believe God had opened a door that not only allowed him to do what he loved, but that took care of our family.  Yet I was afraid.  Afraid of yet another change, afraid of what was happening, afraid of not being in control, and afraid of not knowing how it would turn out.  Then God told me it was going to be ok.  How exactly did He do this?

“When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?”     Psalms 56:3-4

“I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.”   Psalms 57:2

Scripture–through scripture.  God speaks to us through His Word.  He reminded me that it mattered not what was happening to me I needed to trust in Him, I could trust in Him, and He was going to fulfill His purpose in me regardless of the circumstance I was in.  I could count on that no matter what.  His purpose for me was bigger then all that around me.  The race I was running was part of the plan, the molding process.  His purpose for me would be fulfilled, and that was what I needed to remember most.  His purpose was going to be fulfilled and as long as I remembered that I could endure whatever circumstance I would encounter

I have been through quite a journey in the past 3 1/2 years.  In the fall of 2005  I started a Rocky Road that took me on an unpredictable medical path.    He brought me to live in a place I would not have chosen on my own, and I was forced to give up my own independence.  Years ago I chose my online nick race_12_1 based on the scripture Hebrews 12:1-2.  Now I look at another scripture and remember I need to keep moving in my race, continue pressing on toward my prize.

Philippians 3:12-14 says “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:12-14 NIV)

I need to remember that what has happend to me in the past 3 1/2 years is only part of what God has in store for me.  It is only a portion of the race He has me on to mold me into the person He intends me to be.  His plan is to mold me into the likeness of Him (Rom 8:29).  Eventually when I complete my race, reach the goal, and win the prize, I will be completly molded into that likeness.  For now I press on in my race knowing that God is still molding me in this next part of the race.  I look forward with excitement to whatever He is going to do next, because I know that Gods plans are greater then whatever I could come up with on my own!

It seems like every where we go we wait.  We wait in line at the grocery store, at the post office, at the bank, and we even wait for that all important email!  We sometimes think we are even waiting for what seems like forever for something to download on our computer.  Then there are the waits that last longer then that.  We wait for the day we retire, the day our children become adults, the day vacation finally arrives.

My husband and I we have been waiting for something for over 8 years.  Something that without doubt we know the Lord is asking of us.  So we wait.  We wait for the His perfect timing, His perfect place, and His perfect will.  In the meantime what do we do with all that time?  8 years is a long time to wait when you are convinced that there is something the Lord is asking of you.

First we wait without doubting that the Lord is faithful to His words (Rom 4:20-21).  Then we look to the Lord for what He wants us to learn while we are waiting (2 Pet 3:18).  The process of waiting has been long, and we still wait.  We are confident that what the Lord has asked of us is still what He wants us to do.  We will wait for Him to lead the way.  During this past 8 years we know the Lord has molded each of us in ways that He has needed to, in ways that make us more useable for Him.  He has molded us to be more like Him, and He will continue to do so as we lay upon His Anvil.

Some decisions are impossible to make.  Some decisions we never want to make.  Then there are decisions that we have to wait on God to make for us.  This decision was made clear for us on Sunday.  My husband and I have made a decision to find a new church home.  After we have served diligently where we are-regardless of what has happened and what we received-we have now come to this conclusion.  When you are serving God, but doing so in a place where you are ineffective because of the circumstances, and are not being edified, eventually moving on is the best decision to make.  God asks us to serve Him, and to remain in fellowship with other believers.  The building is insignificant to that event, so going to a new building where a different group of believers gather may be the wise decision if we become ineffective for the Lord in our current situation.  For us, this is the decision we have had to make.  Though it has not been an easy one it has been made clear by the actions and attitudes of another party that the situation is not going to become better.  In moving on we pray that we will find a church body where we can serve the Lord to His glory, and at the same time be edified by other believers.

A few weeks ago a was hurt really badly by someone that I trusted.  Not just a little hurt.  I talked about how I learned a long time ago to forgive people even though there wasn’t going to be an apology.  I have done that.  But there sits the hurt.  Forgiveness is a decision we make, a commitment we make, and something we do because we know we are doing what God has asked of us.  We can not decide to stop hurting, commit to stop hurting, or say we know God wants us to stop hurting so we won’t hurt anymore.  Yes, God wants us to stop hurting, but that alone does not make that hurt go away.

When we are hurt it takes more then just a decision to make that hurt heal.  This is especially true when the hurt is created by a relationship that is more then just superficial.  Physically a superficial scratch can be mended with a band-aid, but a major wound takes much more time to heal and and more effort to mend the damage.  It is like that with emotional hurts caused by people.  The closer the person usually the deeper the hurt.  This means more time to heal the hurt, and more effort to repair the damaged relationship.

So now as the hurt is still there, we have to decide what kind of relationship we are going to have with that person.  For me I have decided that the other person is going to have lead the way in this regard.  The Lord asks us to forgive, but he does not ask that we put ourselves back into a situation where our hurt is exacerbated.  Not being hurt is not a decision we can make, we are or are not hurt.  What we can do is forgive or not forgive.  Once we have done that then the hurt will eventually heal.  In the meantime I simply remember that the Lord does not ask more of me then to forgive.

Tests.  Tests.  Tests.  Most students dread them.  Some of them like them just fine.  And others…well they think of them as fun!  For me tests took on a whole new meaning the last few years.  I have had so many different tests I have finally lost track of all of them.  I use to keep track of how many different ones I had, now I just don’t worry about it any more.  To put it into perspective, I have so many MRI films I could wallpaper my bathroom and have some leftover, and that isn’t even all of the ones I have had done.  I now fall asleep very well in an MRI tube, and I find it rather funny that nurses get a kick out of some of the stories I can tell.  You know you are an interesting patient when a nurse says “That’s a new one”!

Today I got a phone call that I would have dreaded 3 years ago.  I have to go have my blood drawn tomorrow because they didn’t draw enough yesterday.  You see I use to hate needles, well I still don’t particularly care for them.  Drawing my blood use to be an arduous task!  Now after 3 years of tests that, well lets just say a needle can’t compare to, getting my blood drawn seems like nothing.  Me, who even as a teenager practically had to be sat on to have her blood drawn.  Its amazing how much can change when you have a little perspective.

Tests in the medical world are quite different then those in the rest of the world.  We have tests in about evey aspect of life.  First in school, then to drive (some of us again when we get older), then even at work!  Then we have the tests that really count.  The tests that tell us who we depend on, where our foundation is poured.  Those tests that are not scheduled, that we don’t know are coming.  Like a pop quiz they just get sprung on us.  How well we do depends on how well we were studying along the way.  Are we the “wait till the test and cram” type person, or the “study every day so we know it all in and out” type person?  From my experience I can say for the real tests in life the second option is a much better choice.

For these types of tests though the studying can’t just be done in a book.  Yes part of it is.  In Gods word we find the instructions, but it is in prayer that we build the relationship that allows us to understand and apply that knowledge in a meaningful and significant way in our life.  The molding happens when we “study” daily.  When we allow God to change us into who He wants us to be.  Me- I will keep studying daily so that when the next pop quiz come up I will be ready.