I have been back in my normal routine now for just over a week since the road trip.  It took me a couple days to recover from the traveling, catch up on laundry and blogs.  On top of that I started something new-a new medication, so I am feeling new side effects of that.  Such a nice something new.  Then I had 2 fairly significant seizures within 24 hours of each other–not so great for how I feel today.  One was Monday night, and one was Tuesday at noon.

Now I have a significant something new to consider.  I called my Drs. office to let her know of the change in my seizure status, the fact that my seizure on Tuesday was more severe then any I have had since surgery.  This is the first one that came with automations (uncontrolled random movements, speech, or behavior during a seizure).  Mike and I were in Home Depot buying a new screen door and I got a call back.  So here I was standing in Home Depot when out of the mouth of my Drs. medical assistant comes “she wants you to consider getting a VNS”.  That would be a Vagus Nerve Stimulator.  In layman’s terms its a pacemaker for your brain, implanted in your chest with a wire fed to the vagus nerve at the base of the brain.  The VNS then sends a charge to the nerve at regular intervals in the hope to keep the electrical activity in your brain normal.

So another surgery to consider, something new to think about in the midst of my normal routine.  I will be seeing my epileptologist on May 3rd and I am almost certain this will be the main topic of discussion.  So as I consider the next step in my disease I will continue to count on the Lord for His strength, shelter, peace, guidance, and protection.  I know that He has lavished His promises on me in this journey so far, so I have no doubt He will do so as I continue to walk with Him.

2 minutes

May 2nd 2009

2 minutes that sets me back 6 1/2 months.  How does that work?  6 1/2 months ago I had my 4th post operative seizure which reset my 90 day count to get my driving privileges back.  Then-90 days later I accomplished that milestone and got my drivers license back after having not driven for over 2 years!  Yesterday that 90 day count started again-so I step backwards and start counting again.  Though I regained my driving privilege in December-I lost it yesterday in the very short span of 2 minutes when I had my 5th post operative seizure.

For those of us with epilepsy driving becomes more than an ordinary privilege, it is a trophy.  It is the proof that we are seizure free, and that we have defeated our condition.  If we have a seizure again we lose that privilege and we are reminded every day for the time period set by the law that for a short period of time-2 minutes in this case-our disease defeated us and all the steps we take to beat it.  This daily reminder for me is more than just an “I cant drive” or “I had a seizure” reminder.  It reminds me that it matters not what attempts I make to fix this body, to make it last, to put it in perfect condition-that is not going to happen!  Even if I get to the point where I become seizure free for life-my body will still not be imperishable.  So I am thankful.  Thankful for what?  Thankful that this is not the body that I am going to keep for eternity.  God is going to give me an imperishable body when I inherit the Kingdom of God. (1 Cor 15:44, 1 Cor 15:50)

So that 2 minutes sets me backwards.  I will once again have to rely on others to drive me everywhere.  I will not be able to hop in the car in the middle of the day to go to the grocery store.  My husband will need to take his break at the appropriate times to get our son home from school again.  I will have more to be thankful for when I no longer have this body!