15 years after I met her, and despite trying over and over, I give up on the idea of having a good relationship with Mike’s sister.  Within days of moving to Utah she yelled at me for expressing an opinion that was different then hers.  She’s cried because I’m “so negative”–which translates to I don’t agree with her opinion or way of doing things and her self esteem can’t handle “being criticized”.  She likes to play the victim, and I am the sinister one.  If I disagree with her, suddenly I am criticizing her.  I don’t agree, so I’m being critical?  Yup, according to her.  All while at the same time she felt free to share her opinions with me.  I don’t recall ever crying once because she disagreed with, or storming out of a room because she didn’t share my opinion, and I certainly don’t recall yelling at her because something hurt her feelings.

 

She’s yelled at me for expressing my opinion, feelings, and thoughts.  She’s has claimed her kids hate me, who are always excited to see me.  Just a few days ago I saw her oldest and we talked for about 15 minutes, her mother purposefully avoided me.  When I was super super sick she got mad at me for crying because her husband hurt my feelings, though unintentional it still hurt.  She actually said it was my fault and that by being hurt I was judging him for his comment.  Last time we were at her house her husband said something that hurt my feelings, he included my name in a comment in a negative way.  I still expressed this to him so it would be avoided in the future, and asked him not to say that again.  She got mad, jumped up, and stormed out of the room.  I was hurt, expressed that, and she gets mad?  Makes sense to anyone else?  Didn’t think so.  About 10 minutes later I tried to ask her why she was mad at me, she refused to say.  I walked away, and she ran after me yelling at me for about 5 minutes.  I told Mike we were leaving her house because I wasn’t going to subject myself to that.  She yelled, turned to walk away, came back and yelled some more, turned to walk away, came and yelled some more.  She did this 3 or 4 times, all while blocking my way out of the room we were in.  How is that my fault in any way?  According to her I was being critical of her husband because I expressed to him I was hurt.  That makes no sense!

 

I have said several times in the last 15 years that I was not going to try anymore.  Every time that didn’t stick, for one reason or another.  Once it was because Mike’s mom actually said to me “please don’t do that to my family”.  So I tried again, only to be yelled at about some other thing I said that was innocent.  I can’t remember all the times she yelled at me, cried, ran out of the room, or some other crazy reaction to something.  I know she remembers them all, she bring them up from time to time to make a point about how she is the victim.  Her issues started long before she met me, I just became a convenient one to blame.  Having a relationship with me wasn’t critical, so it was easy to dump on me.  No more, not any more.  Mike has tried to tell me more then once “you do not have to be friends with my sister”.  I can’t even have a cordial relationship with her because no matter what I do, say, or apparently think and feel, I get into some kind of trouble with her if I say it.  Not any more though, because I will not subject myself to a relationship that is so terribly unhealthy.

Fifteen years ago I moved to Utah to be with Mike.  We had met the previous September, online, and gotten engaged after Christmas.  We had spent all of 5 days together in person at that point.  I knew God had brought him into my life, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life together with him.

Fifteen years ago I left all that I knew to move, and when I arrived I spent 6 weeks living with his sister until I had an apartment again.  Mike had flown from Utah to California to help me pack all of my things and drive a truck back to Utah.  It was Valentine’s weekend 15 years ago.  On Valentine’s day that year we had what I call our first “official” date.

I call it that because though we had known each other for months, and spent countless hours on the phone and online together, he had never picked me up for an actual date.  We had spent several days together over Christmas, but none of those were traditional dates.  So, that night, he came to his sister’s house to pick me up.  His brother in law, as a joke, actually asked him “so what time can we expect you to have her home?”  Now that he has 4 girls, I am sure practicing that question will come in handy soon.

Now, every Valentine’s day since I joke with him about that weekend, and about how we were engaged before we ever had our first “official” date.

I have had so many tests over the past few days I feel like I am in school again!  Vocational rehabilitation testing is a bit different then that though.  I took personality tests, tests about my likes and dislikes, tests to discover what kind of job environment I desire, and skill testing.  They came in all forms.  Scantron testing, computer testing, one on one testing, and puzzle solving.  My brain was stimulated in ways it has not been for some time.  It was great!

The purpose of all of this?  I want to find a new career.  I loved the career I worked in for almost 20 years, and I cried more the once about having to give it up because I was sick.  I tried to go back to it again over Christmas, but it won’t work, I had to admit that my old career is impossible for me.  Now I need to find a new career, one I will be both good at and love.  I might even have to go back to school, but I want this, I need this.  I cannot simply sit at home on SSDI when I know I am well enough to work, at least in some capacity.

Nearly 4 years after my last surgery something is happening I never thought would.  Something I said more then once I knew would be impossible.  I am capable of, and desire to, go back to work.  Wow, the Lord is good!!  Over 6 years ago I left work so sick, so exhausted, and in so much pain, with no answers as to why.  Nearly 4 years ago I made the decision to have a surgery that would possibly end my seizures, but could potentially have the side effect of affecting me so much I would never be able to work again.  Nearly 4 years ago I made a scary decision I am so glad I made.  Making the decision to have part of your brain removed is not an easy one, but I did it.

I had accepted, to some extent, the idea that I would never have a career again.  I had accepted it in a logical intellectual way, but my emotions never let it go.  Now I have the opportunity to do what I never thought would happen, which is both exciting and scary.

For those of you interested in details, I’ll list a few.  Keep in mind that before and after my surgery I had evaluations to test my IQ which included every part of the intelligence scale.  I lost 14 composite IQ points from the first test to the second, and the Dr. said I probably lost at least 5 prior to that due to the constant seizures.  Here are some results.

-I regained most of the IQ points I lost.  Test just before surgery 124, after surgery 110.  Now it is 127.  Wow, I am blow away.

-My spacial/visual perception and language scores are back up to where they were before surgery.

-My math score is, however, lower.  This is not a surprise though, since I already knew this from using it in my daily life.

-My biggest areas of interest, no surprise here, Business Detail and Business Management.  The third area being sales.

I wasn’t expecting any surprises, but was blow away by the change in my overall IQ score.  I had no idea that over time I would regain that.  The brain is an amazing, adaptable, mysterious creation of the Lord.

So with all that information, I will now make a plan for a new career.  Vocational rehabilitation will play a role, and my next meeting with them is on February 29th.  Everyone who knows me well knows that once I decide something I am determined to make it happen.  This holds true in this case, as I am determined to show the world the amazing work the Lord has done for me over the past 6 years.