It Keeps Coming

April 30th 2010

The wind keeps coming, like this trial in my life.  Despite all we have done so far to prevent these seizures, they keep coming as well.  So here I sit making a decision whether to take the next step to try and prevent that pattern.  I can’t stop the wind from coming, but I can continue to stand in the midst of this trial.  I am going to repost here what I wrote on on December 31, 2009.  It describes why I will stand even when the trial keeps coming.

Take It Away  December 31st, 2009

When we are grasping for lifelines, when we are in tears, when we feel that our lives are unraveling, in those very moments when we most need the Lord to intervene and change our lives the most dramatically we often make the statement “Take it away Lord!”  In the most difficult challenges of our lives we look to God and often ask Him to take it away, to erase the trial, to change the circumstance, or to take us out of it.  Yet, He most often chooses to leave it as it is, to leave us in it, to make us endure the trial.  We must therefore ask ourselves why He does this, because when the Lord does something there is a reason.

I asked God to do that for me in the midst of my trial, more then once, and I asked Him why He didn’t, why He made me endure it.  His answer every time was to stop asking Him to take it away and to start depending on Him for the strength I needed to endure it, and to allow Him to take away the fear I had that made me ask Him to remove it.   It is fear that forces us to ask Him to do this, because we fear we will not endure.  He was forcing me to depend on Him rather then on myself for what I needed to endure the trial.  He was answering the promises He had made to give me strength, comfort, peace, and shelter.  He was changing who I was while I was enduring the trial, He was changing me more then ever before during my walk with Him.  He was molding me into who He desired me to be.

So is He going to take us out of the trial or change the circumstances around us when we cry out desperately to Him in trial? Only if that is what will give Him the most glory. U sing every circumstance to mold us into the person He needs us to be, to do what He wants us to do for Him is what He chooses instead. Molding us is His desire.  As we become more and more like Him our fellowship with Him is more intimate. He died so that He would once again have fellowship with us. Why would He remove that which allows Him to mold us the most?  Molds us the most? Yes, admit it, trial molds us the most. At least I can admit that, for I know that in the years I have faced my trial with the Lord I have learned more about the Lord and His desires for my life then in all the years I walked with Him previous to that.  As a result of that my relationship with Him is more intimate, and that is His desire.

So the Lord chooses not to remove us from trial in order to mold us, to teach us, to show us how He works in our lives, so that we will depend on Him so that our level of intimacy with Him will increase immeasurably.  I know that the Lord is molding me in the midst of trial, that He is fulfilling His promises while doing that, and that He so desires to have fellowship with me that He died to gain that.  I am certainly not going to squander that, I am going to lay myself upon God’s Anvil and allow Him to make me more and more like Him every day so that my fellowship with Him can become more intimate. For I know that as that fellowship gains intimacy I gain more insight into who my Lord is, what He desires of me, and how I can fulfill that. After all, pleasing Him is my most ultimate desire.


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