This past Sunday something happened in church that made me evaluate again what my primary purpose is.  My husband was voted to be a deacon at our church.  People were telling me congratulations, which meant nothing since it wasn’t me who was chosen, it was him.  I began to think “this means what to me?”  I thought back to something I decided a few years ago.

A few years ago something happened in our life that made me come to the conclusion that as a wife and mother my primary responsibility was to support my husband in his ministry.  That my primary responsibility is to ensure he has the time, resources, and support to complete the task before him.  Yes I have my own ministries, yet as a wife those come second to supporting him in his.  I must be willing at times to make sacrifices in things I may want, to ensure he has what he needs to accomplish his task.  I must always be evaluating if I am doing anything that hinders his time or causes him to stumble.  I need to ask myself if I am making sure he has the time to complete his task rather then filling all his time with a to do list, things I want done.  I must support him with my energy and with our resources so that the task before him is light.

After making this my primary responsibility the last few years, I have decided that this decision means the same thing to me.  As a wife I find joy in seeing my husband succeed in what God has laid before him, so if I make it impossible for him to do so I steal joy from both of us, as well as cause the body of Christ to suffer because he is not succeeding.  This means what to me?  That I need to continue in doing what I have been doing, supporting my husband so he can do what God has laid before him.  At times that really can just mean I don’t ask him to do dishes, and I make sure his laundry is done, so those things I will do and do with joy knowing I am making it possible for him to do what God has asked of him.

For those of you who have read my blog for sometime, you might recall when I posted “Approaching The Gap” and “In The Gap“.  Well, last week I finally got out of the gap.  I am no longer stuck in what some refer to as the donut hole in the medicare system.  I have now reached catastrophic coverage for my medicare part D.  For any of you who know how this works it tells you something about how much I have spent on my medications this year already.  The biggest advantage of being out of the gap is that I will now pay what I think is nearly nothing for them.  Back when I was approaching the gap, and especially when I was in the gap, I looked forward to when I would be out of the gap and reach catastrophic coverage and most of my cost would be covered.

Of course given that I had written about this in the past I again got to thinking.  Catastrophic coverage may be available in medicare part D, and it may be available with your insurance company, but it is not available with God.  You see, catastrophic coverage is when you have reached a limit and then something or someone kicks in to cover the rest.  God doesn’t have a catastrophic coverage plan.  You see, there is no spending what you can, doing as much as you can, then counting on God to do the rest.  He is either covering it all for you, or He covers none at all.  There is a gap between us and God.  Each of us have to choose whether we will allow Christ to cover that gap or if we will attempt to do it on our own.  In the end, when catastrophe strikes, those who count on what they can do to bridge that gap will find their coverage insufficient.

With medicare the rules are simple, you spend so much you reach the gap.  Spend so much more and you are out of the gap.  With God the rules are simple as well.  We all have a gap, Christ died to cover the gap and ensure we had the coverage we needed.  We can not cover this gap ourselves, it is impossible.  For those that believe Christ died to cover them catastrophe never really strikes, for death allows us to be where we have looked forward to being, with God.  For those who attempt to cover the gap on their own death is a catastrophe for they discover their coverage was insufficient, and Christ’s coverage is no longer available to them.

If you are attempting to cover the gap on your own, by being good or doing good, consider what a catastrophe it will be when you discover that is insufficient coverage.  Consider what a catastrophe it will be when you die and Christ’s coverage is no longer available to you.  Sufficient coverage is available to all, through belief in Christ and the coverage He gives us on the cross.  The coverage is available to all who call on His name and believe that He has died to bridge the gap between us and God.  If you believe that only Christ gives us sufficient coverage and have not yet called out to him to accept that coverage, do so now.  You do not want to discover you have insufficient coverage when you need it.

I have heard this term several times during the training Mike and I finished yesterday.  A deal breaker is something you absolutely can not tolerate.  It means that you cannot care for a child in your home with the trait, behavior, or history that you term deal breaker.  While training we were made aware of all the possibilities when it comes to children we might care for.  Everything from what the home they are coming from might be like, to how they might behave because of it.  We were trained on how to deal with the ramifications that happen for a child when they are in foster care.  Part of training was to discover what your deal breakers were.  For us there are not so many of those, since we were pretty aware of what we were walking into.  For us the deal breaker with some children is the fact that we have stairs, so a child in a wheelchair would not be able to stay with us.  We were given a list of about 150 different traits and possible child history to give a scale of 0-5 on our willingness to deal with that trait.  There are things on that list like bed wetting, stealing, seizures, deformities, and history of abuse.  For some a deal breaker might be a child who is sick, or a child who lies, runs away, or steals.

All of this got me thinking.  We have deal breakers for a lot of things in our life.  We have deal breakers on whether someone is our friend,  where we shop, many of things we choose to spend our time on, and for some people there are deal breakers with God.  Yes, deal breakers with God.  Have you ever thought to yourself “I would do anything for God, except”?  That except is your deal breaker, the something that you wouldn’t do even if God asked you to.  We have to ask ourselves why we have those, and if having deal breakers with God is going to allow us to be in His will.  I have personally found that when I have said “I would do anything for God, except” I ended up having to do that very thing anyway.  Sometimes not by choice, but by circumstance.  I use to say “I would move anywhere for God except a small town or in the desert”, yet I live in a small town in the desert.  Deal breakers with Go simply do not work.

I challenge you to listen to yourself talk about what you would do for God and see if you ever say except, or even think it.  If there is something reconsider that point, for some day you may end up doing that thing you thought was a deal breaker.  If you do end up doing that very thing you thought was a deal breaker and have never considered God’s perspective on that, you could very well end up angry at Him for forcing you into it.  So reconsider whether deal breakers with God are something You want to have.

Some of you know what my husband Mike and I have decided to do as a family, most of you do not.  Our new adventure started with a conversation something like this:

Me:  Mike there is something I need to tell you.  There is something I have wanted to do for some time, but never thought the timing was right or that we had the space.  Now that we have a house I want us to consider becoming foster parents, and adopting a child out of foster care.

Mike:  That is something I have thought about many times, but I believed it had to come from you so I never brought it up.

Me:  Wow.  I guess we are both on the same page then.

Mike:  Yes.

After that we talked at length about what it would mean and how it would effect our lives, including Bryan.  Our next conversation was with Bryan.  We were very honest with him about foster care and what it meant.  Why children need to be in it and how we could help them.  His response was “That sound like a great idea”.

I then called the county offices and spoke to the person in charge of foster care.  We spoke at length twice.  He told me that their office was going through a transition but that we would definitely hear from him again.  Months went by and we wondered if he had forgotten about us.  Then, just two days ago we got a notice in the mail that another training session has been scheduled.  The amazing part of this is that Mike is off the Saturday it starts;  Mike being off on a Saturday is rare.

Many more things fell into place to help us realize that God’s timing is perfect.  Not only is Mike off that day, we were able to make arrangements for Bryan to stay with my sister in law.  We are going to be able to stay free overnight in the town the training is held, which is 2 hours away.  We then received a phone call informing us we have a refund coming from our title company for several hundred dollars.  This money will help us prepare for our new adventure, as we will need to buy a few things like additional bedroom furniture.  We are also amazed that I now know I will not be having an additional surgery and have more answers in terms of my health.  The timing it takes to put all this together could only have been orchestrated by God.  He has once again shown His sovereignty in our lives.

Mike and I believe that God’s timing is an amazing way for us to see His will for our lives.  When we think something is in His will, but details do not come together, we must always evaluate whether we are on the path He intends for us.  When we believe we are in God’s will and details fall into place perfectly God’s timing is reinforcing for us His will.  This is not the first time we have seen God’s timing revealed in ways that amaze us, yet every time it happens we are in awe of God’s perfect plan.  He is aware of everything, every detail, every decision, every step it takes to make His plan come to action, and He will see it done.  When we see Him act on our behalf through His timing it allows us to see His wisdom and His grace.  Wisdom to know the exact need and grace to allow it to happen for us.

So as we set out on the first step to our new adventure we will continue to seek God for His wisdom and His leading.  We know He desires to give us exactly what we need to accomplish what we have set out to do for Him, we just need to be looking to Him to receive it.

Today is the third day I have hurt.  I can’t describe this, as it is just all over constant body pain.  I have become so accustomed to living in pain every day that it only surprises me when I don’t hurt.  Yet the constant pain I have been in the last three days has simply become overwhelming.

When I was in the midst of my 3 surgeries the pain I had was so severe it is impossible to describe to someone.  What I say to doctors is that on the pain scale of 1-10 childbirth is a 5 to me, despite the fact that most woman would call it a 10.  The worst pain most mothers have been in is nothing near what I experienced during those times.  When I was in the midst of it I was held up by God’s promise of comfort and peace.  No matter how much I hurt I knew He was my sufficiency, He fulfilled His promise to carry me through the fire.  Considering that, I must remember that He is still doing so now.  I can withstand this because He is going to carry me through it.  He will fulfill that promise to me as He does for everyone who belongs to Him.

These promises are made to all who belong to Him, and He will fulfill them if we call on Him to do so.  Regardless of why we are in constant pain, He will answer that call.  His comfort, peace, strength, shelter, and sufficient supply can always belong to us.  When we pray for those things which He has promised He will always answer those prayers, and I will once again do just that so He can carry me through.

Independence Day is when we celebrate the freedoms we have in this country.  To some it is a celebration of our ability to be and do what we want to do.  To some it is a celebration of our individual rights. To others it is a celebration of their own independence, the fact that are not accountable to anyone.

The truth is we are only as independent as God allows us to be.  Though many no longer recognize His sovereignty, He is able to take away all we have, and the independence we so cherish.  God places leaders, and He can remove them at His will.  He builds nations, and can tear them down as He chooses.  Why would He choose to tear down a nation that stands for freedom?

The failure to recognize our dependence on God has allowed our nation to believe that anything is permissible.  Many believe that as long as they think it is right, they are permitted to do it.  Some believe they can be as independent as they desire to be, accountable to no one.  Yet the ability to gain that kind of independence is a myth, because regardless of what anyone might choose to think, God is sovereign over all.  In this sovereignty He can choose to dismantle a nation whenever He wants to.

He has warned of this in Jeremiah 18.  He warns us that He has a plan for disaster against those who are evil and wicked, and that they must turn from their sin.  He is warning that He will choose the outcome of a nation based on their willingness to repent.  He chooses, not us, we are answerable to Him for our actions, despite what anyone chooses to think.  Independence is a myth for we must answer to God, and the failure to repent brings judgment, not freedom.  Freedom does not come from full independence, but from repentance.  For only in repentance will we be free from God’s judgment.

Yesterday we had to drive into Salt Lake because I had another appointment.  This time to follow up with the neuro-opthomologist I saw a year ago.  I had this follow up because after my video EEG we thought some of my symptoms might be pressure related since I have all kinds of strange things that happen with my vision, like tracking.

Well during my vision exams the discovery was made that it was not pressure, but extreme light sensitivity.  He called it migraines because it causes a litany of symptoms including sound and smell sensitivity-wow that describes me!  I finally discovered the truth about my symptoms.  Since this is what is causing all of my vision symptoms he had a treatment that should take them away.  Glasses with a special tint that reduce the eyes sensitivity to light.

Now, I have never needed glasses, and actually have better then 20/20 vision!  Discovering I needed to wear glasses, not for correction, but for this, was rather unnerving.  After the visit we went and purchased 2 pair of frames that will have uncorrected lenses put in them.  When they are ready we will return to the Moran Eye Center to have the tint put on.

This got me thinking, there really are two forms of light sensitivity.  Vision and spiritual.  There are many out there that are sensitive to the Light Of The World, causing them to shield their eyes and avoid it, much like visual light sensitivity causes people to avoid flickering light and bright sunshine.  This sensitivity exists because the enemy desires that they be blinded from the truth so they never experience the fullness of the gospel.  2 Corinthians 4:4 tells us this “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.”

Does this knowledge give us excuse to not share The Light?  Certainly it does not!  Visual light sensitivity simply needs correction, and so it is with spiritual light sensitivity.  Just as it took time for me to discover that I was sensitive to light, it will take some time for them to discover they are sensitive to the Light Of  The World, causing their inability to see the truth.  If we give up and stop showing them the light, then we are allowing the enemy to keep them in the dark, hiding from the Light.  We must be diligent in sharing the Light so they will not remain in darkness and will have the opportunity to discover the truth about their condition.

Matthew 5:14-15 “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.”

Marveling at God’s creation is something we should all do more often.  Having returned from my trip to Alaska I realized that I was in awe of what I had seen while there, but often lose that awe in my normal routine.  I saw some truly amazing things on this trip and was blown away by the beauty around me the whole time.

I was privileged to witness caribou in fields in Canada, to see porpoises jumping and leaping out of the ocean, to see seals lounging on an iceberg, and whales swimming through the Pacific, and to see the majesty of the bald eagle souring right over my head.  I saw landscape that was green everywhere.  The flowers that grew were of every color of the rainbow, and the mountains were sculpted in amazing ways.  I was near glaciers that have been there for centuries, and heard them crack so loudly it reminded me of the bigness of God’s creation.

Then I returned home to see what I see every day, but hadn’t seen for 12 days  I thought to myself “why am I not in awe of this?”  I wondered what it was that makes me marvel at God’s creation in what I see every day.  Where I live is mostly brown, it is dry, and it is empty.  Yet just a few miles away the mountains tower above that.  In the midst of it animals and insects live despite the dryness.  The sunsets are sometimes beautiful, with colors of red orange and yellow.  The birds that flock to this place sing melodies that sound glorious.   Yet I lose the wonder of that caught up in my everyday routine.

God’s creation is amazing, and how many of us forget to marvel at it every day?  To marvel at the fact that He provided everything we need when He made it.  Do we forget to marvel at the uniqueness in what He made, how each creature is unique and serves it’s purpose in His creation?  Do we remember to look at the people around us and praise God for forming them?  God’s creativity alone is something to marvel at.  After being in Alaska and marveling at what I saw I realized I do not marvel often enough at what He has created.  When was the last time you just stood and looked at part of His creation in shear wonderment?  Find something today you can marvel at, for it reminds us that God’s hand is in everything and causes us to worship Him.

Today will be the first official day of my vacation!  I am heading off to go on a cruise with my step mom and step sister to Alaska.  Alaska has been on my list of places to see for years and when we talked about going on a cruise together this was the obvious choice.  Originally it was suppose to include my sister and my brothers wife, but for various reasons neither one of them could come with us.  So today I go to Salt Lake to spend the next ocuple of nights, then Saturday I fly out to Seattle.

On Thursday night while I am in Salt Lake I will attend a dance recital in which 4 of my nieces will play roles.  My husbands oldest niece, who is 16, has been asking for some time for us to see her dance, and I am excited that I finally get to do that.  Seeing another person do what they love is always a joy because their excitement and joy is contagious.  It is never possible to see someone get so much joy out of something and not smile.

So it is with God when He has given us a passion for something and we act on that passion.  He is pleased and joyful when we are doing what He has asked of us.  Not only that, it gives Him honor because we have given proper place in our life to what He has asked of us.  When do what God has asked of us others also see us take part in what we have a passion for and that allows them to take part in the joy we have, for that kind of joy is contagious.

So Thursday night I will have the opportunity to share in the joy that my niece gets when she is doing something God has given her a passion for.  That kind of joy can’t be replaced, for the best source of joy is in the Lord and knowing He is pleased with us.  When we have a passion for something the Lord has asked us to do, and we act on that, the joy we receive is often more then we expected, for we cannot comprehend the extend of the Lord’s pleasure in our obedience.  So I will continue to do what the Lord asks of me so that I can not only experience that joy, but share it with others.  This week while I am gone I will love well, and take advantage of the opportunities the Lord gives me to experience that kind of joy.

Last night I sat in my hospital bed on the 14th floor looking out into the darkness.  All I could see were the lights of the Salt Lake Valley.  Some of these lights were dim, some flickered, and some were bright and steady.  The ratio of those lights to darkness got me thinking.

Knowing the city I am in is predominately non believing, and that many are fooled by a false religion, that ratio of lights to darkness is actually very similar to the ratio of spiritual light to spiritual darkness.  From the 14th floor those lights are easy to see, but on the ground one can only see those closest to him, and that may be only one.  Much like in spiritual darkness.  We as a body of believers are fooled when we think “there are so many lights in the world mine doesn’t have to shine very brightly” because those who are in darkness only see the light closest to them.  How much light you shine will determine how many you reach.

You can choose to be dim, flicker, or shine brightly.  Remember however that the brighter the light shines the more it pierces the darkness.  How bright are you now, and how bright would you like to be?  Like the lights I saw from the 14th floor last night, you may be the only one in view of someone standing in darkness.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. Matt 5:14-15

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