A few weeks ago a was hurt really badly by someone that I trusted.  Not just a little hurt.  I talked about how I learned a long time ago to forgive people even though there wasn’t going to be an apology.  I have done that.  But there sits the hurt.  Forgiveness is a decision we make, a commitment we make, and something we do because we know we are doing what God has asked of us.  We can not decide to stop hurting, commit to stop hurting, or say we know God wants us to stop hurting so we won’t hurt anymore.  Yes, God wants us to stop hurting, but that alone does not make that hurt go away.

When we are hurt it takes more then just a decision to make that hurt heal.  This is especially true when the hurt is created by a relationship that is more then just superficial.  Physically a superficial scratch can be mended with a band-aid, but a major wound takes much more time to heal and and more effort to mend the damage.  It is like that with emotional hurts caused by people.  The closer the person usually the deeper the hurt.  This means more time to heal the hurt, and more effort to repair the damaged relationship.

So now as the hurt is still there, we have to decide what kind of relationship we are going to have with that person.  For me I have decided that the other person is going to have lead the way in this regard.  The Lord asks us to forgive, but he does not ask that we put ourselves back into a situation where our hurt is exacerbated.  Not being hurt is not a decision we can make, we are or are not hurt.  What we can do is forgive or not forgive.  Once we have done that then the hurt will eventually heal.  In the meantime I simply remember that the Lord does not ask more of me then to forgive.

1 Comment

1. 

   You know, the hurt can be deep. Sometimes it seems that we try to get the outside of that wound to heal, but ignore how deep it really is. Then the wound just festers from the inside and boom, that outside wound is showing again. Thank goodness, God is there, because there have been times when I’ve buried something & “forgot” about it; not dealt with it like I should have. God hears my sorrow, my forgiveness, and wipes my tears when no one else can. He understands the depth of my hurt and consoles me. Wraps me up in comfort. Why does it still hurt sometimes? Like you, the other person will need to lead the way, not because I have always lead the way, but because I’m tired of leading the way. I am sad, but cannot continue to devote energies to this relationship, that seems to wound me every few months. I’m not done, but tired.

   Comment by Shellie (baylormum) — January 11, 2009 @ 9:23 am

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